For the moment

The lesson that is most clear is that the boss is going to act crazy and you cant take it personally. Its been said before. Its been said in different ways. Its been thought about. For some reason it had to be explicitly discussed that I have a problem taking him seriously. I take him too seriously in particular with regard to me thinking that he is angry with me. As though it was reasonable to react the way I had been even if he was mad. There is no point.

Im failing specifically at picking whats most important to do next. I dont know. I have to pick something and do it though, and there has to be serious limits to what I will consider doing. The boss cannot set these limits. He is to be worked off of and to be holding discussions on what we do. But seriously. The past year has shown two papers sent and totally dropped.

Things have moved slowly and rebalancing is upon me. Thats encouraging. We have all been writing papers forever though and my classmates have graduated. Thats discouraging. But I have a solid support network, my health and a roof over my head. And thats encouraging. Its worth saying that at times, since I last recorded some thoughts here, that I have been deep in the discontent of indicision.

Proposal is that it is as simple as rest time and go time. If you are not going well, you rest and plan. I have had unknown amounts of experiments in process and in development for so long, I am maxed out. I need to reset and decide what is most important to do right now and then move on to the next thing, with rests in between.