crackerbat

Diffident means timid. I forget the definition repeatedly I think because my timidness is a shortfall. Or it was and now its still a problematic axis because I overcompensate. I never thought I was right when I was and now when I am not I am undertimid. Example. Flatmates get ready to have a new person in, and I go for some principle thing that I think has to do with the right way to proceed. I cause a stir, I annoy people, I am righteous. Example. While taking science as a sort of religion. Calling it my religion and getting really disconcerted with how other people do it, I get sick of talking to them. I dont want to hear about what they do. I am alone. Example. I am not afraid of losing this girl, because she acts like nothing but that she likes me. Normally I am kept on my toes. I dont indulge in myself. Here the only thing I see is that she is unsatisfied. I do not act to do more because I do not feel like doing more. I do not enjoy making her happy enough. The same thing I remember happening before my mother died.

People at work less senior than I are getting there work out there in a professional manner. They work on things I haughtily deem worthy of little attention. As though it is impossible for some type of research to suddenly give great surprising insight. I am a victim of deciding things too much one way or another. It is not enough for it to just exist and be both things at the same time to me. If its silly, I cant even listen to it. I cant hear you talking. What did you say?

If I were to take simple steps to avoid distancing myself from people, they would have to be what. Dont tell people what to do, do not criticize people. Try to focus on the positive aspects of items. When you are too tired of this, stop deciding things, stop thinking so actively. Witness something. Listen and watch.

At home though, we will find a roomate. In the next 48 hours. I was avoiding this kid who the other housepeople like. We are seeming to have no alternatives. Lots of this hunt has felt different than in the past. The organization is so no longer mine from the shifts of the last year. I made a play, I see it fail, I have to recover some space and be better friends or more friendly to the people. For pleasantness. So there. A timeline has been set, that is the plan to execute.